Hot letters – mastering your emotions…

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The internet is flooded with posts talking about the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction – who hasn’t been bombarded with ‘positive vibes only’ posts? But it’s not a new thing – even going back to the year 300 BC the Stoics touted the benefits of managing your emotions and the discipline of perception. And there’s nothing wrong with this, unless like me, you unwittingly supress your emotions.

And we often don’t realise we’re doing it. For example, I have a disagreement with someone, and in the moment I feel a flood of anger, but also know the futility of arguing, so I look for a different solution, a compromise or perhaps I just walk away from it. In my rational mind I know this is a more enlightened way to behave, arguing solves nothing, and besides we’re probably both right to some degree…

Putting your emotions in a box won’t solve anything
That’s where some people leave it, they move on and think about something else. But this can come back to bite you…it can leave you in a rather uncomfortable place days or sometimes months later when you notice you’re a bit down, feel like crying or you absolutely lose it with someone over something relatively minor and have no idea why.

Well, it turns out that’s a build-up of suppressed emotions. Suppressing your emotions means you’re literally putting them in a box over there and importantly, not acknowledging how you feel – that uncomfortable sensation of anger, annoyance, or injustice, for example. After a while of doing this, you eventually run out of room to push any more emotions down and finally they erupt to the surface. Most people also fail to connect this eruption to the earlier, incremental incidents of emotional stockpiling.

The true meaning of stoicisim
The Stoics understood the power of not reacting to knee-jerk emotions (usually the first angry or negative emotions evoked by a situation) but focused on building the fortitude to wade through an unpleasant emotion instead. This included reframing or telling a different story about incidents to lessen their emotional impact. But to truly achieve letting go of a knee-jerk emotion you have to feel it first then, and only then, can you let it go. Miss out this important step and you’ve put an emotion in a box.

No need to send the ‘hot letter’
It’s well known that whenever Abraham Lincoln was angry with someone, he’d write a ‘hot letter’ telling them exactly what he thought of them…which he would then never send. He’d put it to one side and let his emotions cool. Writing the letter allowed him to vent his knee-jerk emotions in the moment and he was then able to consider the situation from a more balanced standpoint later on.

If you want to give writing an ‘hot letter’ a go, here are some emotive statements to help get you started:

  • I feel furious when/about…
  • I hate it when…
  • You are a complete and utter…
  • I feel sad when…

Time alone doesn’t have to be lonely

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If there are any positives we can take from the pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, I feel our renewed focus on mental health is one.

During the pandemic we were faced with many and varied mental health challenges. As we all tried to adapt and get through it in our own ways, one issue cropped up for many of us, particularly those living alone – loneliness.

A waste of time?
Spending time on your own might not sound like any kind of hardship, and given the other challenges people were facing, it probably wasn’t. But in a world where we can seem to place such value on #squadgoals and photos with friends on Instagram, how can we reframe time spent on our own as time well spent, rather than time wasted?

I’ve always been quite sociable and enjoy spending time with people, which is probably why I associated time on my own as time wasted. So when the pandemic hit I was worried how I’d cope. Spending a lot of time on my own was now a reality I couldn’t avoid.

Some of the difficulties others faced during the pandemic really put my worries into perspective. Although I struggled with loneliness, I knew I was still in a very fortunate position as I didn’t have to juggle home schooling or caring responsibilities on top of a full time job. In her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, author and psychotherapist Amy Morin explains how time alone can actually help you build empathy and spark creativity. Reframing time on your own and thinking of it as a gift really helped me shift my mindset to embrace the privilege of alone time.

What can we do?
We all need social contact, but time alone doesn’t have to be lonely. I mean, even Bill Gates takes a couple of weeks each year to be on his own, switch off from technology, and refocus. Thinking of alone time differently and embracing it to do things just for you can be a game changer! Whether it’s doing something as simple as having a nice bath, making some good food, or something bigger like going to see a show or a film you fancy, take some proper time just for you. There are loads of things we can do to enjoy these times and invest in ourselves.

I found making a list of priorities and what I’d do if I could do anything really helped me. Thinking about how you can achieve those things and doing something about it can be a really productive use of time too. I’m not going to pretend I did this all the time… I spent plenty of time listening to tunes and watching football, but I don’t dread not having plans with other people now.

Time alone won’t, and shouldn’t, replace time with family and friends, but I’ve found trying to shift my mindset to see time on my own as a luxury has really helped me make the most of those moments. Let us know what you do to make the most of your time on your own.

Everyone’s welcome – celebrating LGBT+ History month

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It’s February and we’re celebrating and supporting LGBT+ History month.

Every year the theme changes (for 2022, it’s Politics in Art – ‘The arc is long’) but the aim is the same – recognising milestones in the fight for LGBT+ equality and promoting visibility and acceptance of the queer community, now and in the future.

There are plenty of ways to get involved throughout the month – from British Museum and Tate tours focusing on queer art through the ages, to poetry, cabaret, open mics and film nights. It’s a great opportunity to brush up on your LGBT+ history and culture too and we’ve got some top book recommendations to get you started.

Pride: The story of the LGBTQ equality movement by Matthew Todd – documents the events in the fight for equal rights for the LGBTQ community.

From the Stonewall rights in 1960s New York, through 50 years of activism to ban discrimination and seek acceptance, right up to the challenges that still face queer people today, this book celebrates the activists and movement who have fought for change.

Good as you: From Prejudice to Pride – 30 years of Gay Britain by Paul Flynn – takes the reader on a journey through 30 years of societal and cultural change.

This book includes interviews with key people from the community including Will Young, Russell T Davies and Holly Johnson and shares the unbridled panic and discrimination caused by the AIDS crisis in the eighties, through to the legalisation of gay marriage in 2014.

We can do better than this: 35 Voices on the Future of LGBTQ+ Rights edited by Amelia Abraham – a collection of personal stories from key people in the queer community addressing present day phobias, inequality and violence.

Olly Alexander, Lady Phyll, Beth Ditto and others talk candidly about topics close to their own hearts such as safety, healthcare, gender and education and what we all need to do to move to a more inclusive, safer future.

We’ve included links for these great reads to the UKs oldest LGBT bookshop – Gay’s the Word and you can also find them in all good online and actual bookshops.

If you go down to the (Hundred Acre) woods today

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National Winnie the Pooh day, a day to celebrate A.A Milne’s famous literary creation Winnie the Pooh – not forgetting Christopher Robin and his other friends of course.

“Silly old bear”
I grew up with Winnie the Pooh. From reading the books to watching the films and playing Poohsticks, I still hold a soft spot for him and his pals. I’ve even had the pleasure of meeting him a couple of times. Despite this ongoing endearment for the silly old bear, I confess to not knowing there was a day dedicated to my favourite bear until recently.

While I’ll still celebrate his legacy, I’ve long wondered if there’s actually a deeper meaning to these seemingly innocent characters.

“Oh, bother”
Pathology in the hundred acre wood: a neurodevelopmental perspective on A.A. Milne is a study carried out by Dr. Sarah E. Shea, where she looks further into this theory. Although tongue in cheek, the report highlights some interesting points about each character which many would find relatable today.

“Somewhere at the top of the Hundred Acre Wood a little boy and his bear play. On the surface it is an innocent world, but on closer examination by our group of experts we find a forest where neurodevelopmental and psychosocial problems go unrecognized and untreated” – the study rather darkly reports. Is it troubling to think these characters are (predominantly) aimed at children, or enlightening these issues were highlighted so openly in 1926?

Do these characters in fact help raise the very real need for support and awareness of our own mental wellbeing, as well as those around us? Given they’re so deeply embedded in our culture in a positive way, perhaps they could they help end the stigma of mental health.

“Oh, d-d-dear”
What I feel is made apparent by Pooh and pals is that mental health issues are not obvious and even those you feel are least likely to be affected can be struggling.

According to the study, our main protagonist, Winnie, could easily be diagnosed with ADHD, OCD or binge eating. His sidekick, Piglet, severe anxiety, Eeyore, chronic depression and Tigger, ADHD.

“Thanks for noticin’ me”
With an ongoing pandemic, mental health issues have been on the rise and it’s great to escape to somewhere like the Hundred Acre wood every now and again. What we need to be wary of is whether someone is getting a bit lost while they’re there.

We can learn many lessons from Winnie and the gang, but I feel one of the most important is that sometimes just being there is enough.

So next time you’re celebrating the legacy of Winnie the Pooh, take some time to check in with yourself, a friend or a family member. Although everything might appear sunny in the Hundred Acre Wood, we all have dark days and mental health issues can easily be missed if we don’t pay close enough attention.

“TTFN! Ta-ta for now!”
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

Proud to be…

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The theme for Black History Month (BHM) this year is “Proud to be…”. This year, black and brown people across the UK are being encouraged to share different traits about themselves that they’re proud of in an effort to add a bit of a personal touch to BHM whilst also celebrating the diverse heritage and culture of black and brown people in the UK.

In line with this year’s theme, I thought it would be fitting to share a few things about myself that I am proud of/proud to be. In doing so, I hope to inspire other black and brown people to do the same (either publicly or privately, whichever’s easier for you :))

I am…

  • Proud to be black
  • Proud to be Zimbabwean
  • Proud to be a part of the conversation
  • Proud to be me

It feels weird to publicly express that I’m proud to be black. A lot of people are probably thinking “Well Panashe, we’d assume that goes without saying”, but honestly, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Growing up black is quite complex – there have been numerous points in my life where I’ve questioned my “blackness”. And many-a-time where I’ve been made to feel as though being black makes me a lesser person.

“Don’t get emotional, you’ll just be labelled that angry black man.” “Hmmm, maybe don’t do that/say that, you’ll be looked at weirdly.” These are just a couple of thoughts that regularly pop into my head during interactions with people. “Conformity is key, and any step away from the status quo is a step towards ostracisation.” I read this in a blog post by Kendra Summers and it really resonated with me.

Being Zimbabwean adds yet another layer of complexity to being black and this really only became apparent to me when I moved to the UK. Now, even among other black people (mainly Black British people), I occasionally feel a little out of place. I love being Zimbabwean – I love our food, I love our languages, I love our traditions. But there have been moments where I’ve been made to feel ashamed of being Zimbabwean, moments I would rather not bring up for fear of getting into conversations marred by prejudice and based on absurd stereotypes.

Zimbabwe is the place I call home – growing up there played a big role in moulding me into the person I am today and I’m proud to say that! That sense of pride and willingness to share where I’m from has mainly come as a result of having conversations with people who have had similar experiences. Although the cause of discrimination may be different and everyone’s experiences are unique, often I can empathise with that feeling of self-doubt/anger/confusion/sadness that comes through during conversations with other people. Hearing about and trying to understand other peoples’ experiences has had a profound effect on me – not only has it allowed me to view life from a different perspective, but it’s also made it easier to embrace who I am.

All of the things above are a big part of who I am and I am proud to say that out loud – I am a black man, proud of where I’m from, proud of the way I speak, proud to be me!

My Menopause Story

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  • Menopause symptoms

    Hot sweats

    Vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex

    Difficulty sleeping

    Fatigue

    Low mood or anxiety

    Depression

    Lack of focus

    Headaches

    Problems with memory or concentration

    Water retention, flatulence, bloating

  • Menopause symptoms

    Stomach pain

    Irregular periods

    Weight gain / slower metabolism

    Breast soreness

    Burning mouth syndrome

    Painful joints  / muscle tension

    Dizzy spells / pins & needles

    Thinning hair

    Increased facial hair

  • Menopause symptoms

    Gum recession

    Itchy skin

    Brittle nails

    Urinary incontinence

    Body odour

    Hay fever and allergies

    Heart palpitations

    Panic attacks

    Osteoporosis

    Irritability

    Loss of libido

The menopause pretty much affects all aspects of your life – like a total system meltdown. So it’s not surprising irritability and loss of libido feature on the list of symptoms, given all the rest . . .

The lists above include known symptoms women across the globe suffer during the peri-menopause and menopause journey. While I don’t claim to have experienced all of them, a lot of them are very familiar to me. Some I was aware of and was expecting – hot flashes, weight gain, irregular periods, loss of libido. Some, were frankly a nasty surprise (the flatulence, urinary incontinence, the emergence of a hairy jawline, the depression). The hot flashes, by the way, are like a gas water heater flaring violently into action.

Of course, the knock on effect has been a loss of self-esteem and my sense of self, who I am, all I have achieved. For me, it also coincided with a crisis of confidence in my career and my ability to hold down a senior role.

Cultural expectations

The real kick is, as you are struggling to cope with crippling hormonal headaches, sleep loss, hot flashes and the like there’s an expectation to maintain a youthful appearance and a slim figure: eat less, much less! Exercise more, much more! Just as the menopause has robbed you of energy and willpower you’re encouraged not to ‘let yourself go’.

The media bombards us with images of the perfect older women who have held it together and still look amazing for their age. Good for them, but it isn’t truly representative of the majority of menopausal women. And because the menopause is a women’s issue, it is by default a minority issue – even though women represent 50% of people on the planet.

When will women’s health be prioritised?

So beyond Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), there is nothing available to alleviate symptoms and very little research into other methods. It is simply not a priority. HRT is not an option for me and my sister due to a history of breast cancer in my immediate family.

Juggling health, family and work

The menopause hit me like a steam train as my parents started to need additional support, and in my mother’s case, there was the increasing dementia as well as physical deterioration. Years of (sometimes) painful periods, the dangers and pain of childbirth are just the start of women’s health issues we all have to learn to cope with. The onslaught gathers pace during the menopause with juggling work, teenagers, ageing parents and a whole host of nasty symptoms.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

I can’t say I am through the other side of my menopausal journey even now – the whole process can take around 10 years – 10 years! But fingers crossed, I might be close. I haven’t had a period for more than 20 months. The hot flashes that come and go for months at a time have stopped again over the last few weeks and I am sleeping a little better. I haven’t had to change my sweat-soaked pyjamas or the sheets in the middle of the night for a while now. Oh, and the frequently recurring breast cysts I used to get have stopped.

But the menopause is wholly unpredictable and you never know, some of this might come back again at any time.

For information about menopause and other aspects of aging women’s health, visit https://www.imsociety.org/

 

How not to panic through a pandemic and other things my mental health has taught me…

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When was the last time you had an anxious thought, a squirmy feeling in your tummy, or a complete lack of interest in doing things? Yesterday? Maybe last week? For most of us we experience these common, uncomfortable feelings regularly, but they usually pass pretty quickly.

 

However, if you’re one of the 1 in 4 people in England who experience or live with a mental health problem, you’re probably only too familiar with these feelings and understand the toll mental health problems can have on your wellbeing. It’s not just anxiety; mental health issues can take many forms, from depression to psychotic disorders. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and World Mental Health day is a great opportunity for us all to start talking openly about our own mental health.

 

My name is Rachel and I’m one of the 1 in 100 people living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). For years I hid my disorder because I was ashamed and afraid of being judged. OCD is a mental health condition often misunderstood as a love of organisation, when in reality sufferers experience frequent intrusive and unwelcome obsessional thoughts (OCDUK).

 

The Coronavirus pandemic has been challenging for us all, but throw in OCD and it’s added a whole extra set of complications for me. While many of us feel like we’re coming back to life after many months of lockdowns, I’m struggling (like so many others) with the idea of ‘the new normal’ and going back to the life I lead before.

 

It’s taken me a long time, but I’m slowly getting back to my ‘normal’ with the help of medication and a therapist. While this journey I’m on has been tough, I’ve learnt a lot of things along the way:

 

  • It’s ok not to be ok: If you’re struggling, reaching out to your friends and family can help take some of the burden away. Sometimes it’s easier to talk things through with someone you don’t know – organisations such as Mind, OCD UK and Samaritans gave me some practical ways to look after my mental health.
  • If it feels scary, it’s probably good for you: Having OCD means I overestimate threat, often catastrophizing to the worst possible scenario. In the past it’s been all too easy to stay in my house where I feel safe, but by pushing myself to do the scary things (going for a walk, to the shops or to visit a friend) it makes each experience easier and quietens the fear monster in my brain.
  • Slow and steady wins the race: Sometimes when you’re on the recovery journey you can fall into the trap of either not doing anything, or doing too much! I’ve found tackling one scary thing at a time gives me the best rates of success but I’m also mindful that sometimes a quiet day on the sofa is exactly what my mental health needs.
  • Speak up: In the past, I haven’t told people when I’m uncomfortable or struggling with a situation. The pandemic has forced me to be honest when I’m having a hard time – with myself and with others. Being open about my struggles has helped my family, friends and colleagues understand why I might be acting ‘strangely’ so they can help me through those tough situations. It also takes away the stigma and makes conversations about mental health easier.
  • Be kind to yourself: Probably the most important thing I’ve learnt is to be kind to myself. We’re living in unprecedented times and it’s ok to find things hard sometimes.

 

Focusing on the people and things that bring me joy and comfort has allowed me to push forward with my life, one small step at a time. The pandemic might not be over yet, but for me, life is starting to feel sunny again.

 

If you’re struggling with your mental health or you’re affected by any of the issues I’ve talked about in this blog, you can call Samaritans on: 116 123 or visit their website: www.samaritans.org/

Two people talking

The Big Listen

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As restrictions begin to lift across the UK and we edge back towards normality, it’s tempting to try to do everything all at once. We might feel the need to make up for lost time. We might even feel pressured into throwing ourselves back into socialising, shopping (in actual shops), mixing with other people we don’t know, just because everyone else seems to be embracing our newly regained freedom… It might make some of us feel completely overwhelmed where others are just a bit anxious about the thought of getting back to ‘normal’… whatever that is.

However we feel, it’s good to remind ourselves that we’re not alone.

There’s loads of support available if you find these feelings start to impact your mental health. From blogs and advice from the Mental Health Foundation, to podcasts and support with stress from Headspace.

On Saturday 24 July Samaritans are running their annual Big Listen campaign to remind us they’re here for all of us. Whenever we need them. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can follow all their activity on Big Listen day across their social media feeds – @samaritanscharity on Instagram and Facebook, and @samaritans on Twitter. Or you can check out their website for details of events taking place in your local area.

Opening up to talk about how we’re feeling can be daunting, but it can have amazing benefits too. Samaritans believe in the life-saving power of conversation – take a look at their Small Talk Saves Lives video.

If you’d like to volunteer for Samaritans checkout their website. And if you need support you can call Samaritans on 116 123 – calls are free and lines are always open.

Normalising and using gender pronouns correctly

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Article written by BLUP50 talent Charlie Greening.

This June is pride month for the LGBTQIA+ community. During this month it is more important than ever that everyone within that community and ally’s of it show their respect, support and understanding of the difficult issues those in the community face.

I am a pansexual and gender-neutral person myself. I have been in relationships with beautiful people of all genders and sexual preferences. So, I thought I’d give you a little insight as to what is important for the LGBTQIA+ community right now and what you can do to show support. I am going to be covering the topic of gender pronouns. You might read this and already be tensing your muscles in a confused panic, especially if you are a heterosexual cis-gendered person. Not to worry, I understand that there is some doubt around this topic as people commonly fear causing offence or think that it is too complex of a topic to get their head around. I am here to explain to you what it means to be non-binary or gender-neutral, how to be respectful and supportive, and why it is important that you state your preferred pronouns, especially if you are cis-gendered!

WHO ARE WE TALKING ABOUT
Non-binary / gender queer people use gender neutral pronouns. Some people don’t fit into categories of ‘male’ or ‘female’. Some people have a gender that blends elements of being a man, a woman or have a gender that is different than either ‘male’ or ‘female’. Some people don’t identify with any gender and some people’s gender changes over time. Some society’s, like ours in the UK, tend to recognise just two genders. The idea that there is only two genders is sometimes called a ‘gender binary’ because the word binary means ‘having two parts’. Therefore, ‘non-binary’ is a term people use to describe a gender that doesn’t fall into one of these two.

SOME THINGS IMPORTANT TO KNOW
Non-binary is nothing new! Non-binary people are not confused about gender or ‘following a fad’. Non-binary identities have been recognised for a millennia by cultures and societies all around the world. In some cultures, gods have been depicted as genderless or gender-fluid for thousands of years. Not all people undergo medical procedures, but for some it is critical and even life saving! Most transgendered people are not non-binary. These people often identify as either ‘male’ or ‘female’ and want to be treated like any other cis-gendered person, so should be! Being non-binary is not the same as being intersex. Intersex people have different anatomy or genes that don’t fall into typical ‘male’ or ‘female’ biology.

HOW TO BE RESPECTFUL
You don’t have to completely understand in order to be respectful. However, it is important to educate yourself as much as you can. Always use the preferred name a person asks you to use. Try not to make any assumptions about a persons gender, If you are unsure you should ask. Advocate for policies that are inclusive to non-binary or gender-neutral people in public spaces. Something as simple as going to the bathroom can be very difficult for a these people due to fear of being verbally or physically assaulted.

WHY YOU SHOULD STATE YOUR PRONOUNS
You can now add your preferred pronouns to Instagram, and I highly encourage you to do so! Even if you feel as though you don’t really need to. The more people that do, the more we can normalise this behaviour and make the process of sharing and accepting pronouns better for all of us. The University of North Carolina wrote: “Normalising and using correct pronouns leads to acceptance and de-stigmatisation of individuals who ‘deviate’ from traditionally used pronouns or pronouns that do not align with their physical appearance or gender-based name. By stating one’s pronouns the need for explanation is eliminated”. Including pronouns on your social media profiles, in email sign offs and when you introduce yourself to someone is a small step that cis-gender people can – and should – be making.

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT
The Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQIA+ Youth’s Mental Health found that a heart-breaking fifty two per cent of trans and non-binary youth have seriously considered death by suicide. Those who reported having their personal pronouns respected by all or most people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of those who didn’t have their pronouns respected. It is evident there is more to be done in normalising pronouns and it is vital that it comes from cis-gendered people! This is because cis-gendered people have a privilege that allows the opportunity to work to normalise without the risks that trans, non-binary and gender-neutral people face. It is essential that they use this privilege to cultivate an environment where trans and non-binary people don’t feel alienated!

Article written by BLUP50 talent Charlie Greening (She / They) (@chazzabel)

Conversion therapy – when will it end?

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conversion therapy
/kənˈvəːʃ(ə)n/ /ˈθɛrəpi/

  1. the practice of trying to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity

You’d be forgiven for thinking anything labelled as ‘therapy’ is a positive experience resulting in long-term benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing. But when that therapy involves trying to persuade a person to live as something they’re not, there’s really nothing therapeutic, medically endorsed, beneficial or healing about it. It is, in fact, the antithesis of all these things, often causing serious mental and physical harm to those who undergo it.

What does conversion therapy involve?
Sometimes also called ‘gay cure therapy’, the practice can involve talking therapies, prayer, physical harm, exorcism, being deprived of food and ‘corrective’ rape (mercifully already illegal). Essentially, it means trying to stop a person from being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, persuade them to suppress their sexuality or change their mind about living as a different gender to the one they were assigned at birth.

NHS England and other organisations have made their stance clear on these ‘unethical and potentially harmful’ therapies and with mounting pressure on the government to address the issue, some small steps in the right direction have been made this year.

Sounds horrendous, so when will it be banned?
Back in 2018, Penny Mordaunt (Minister for Women and Equalities) published her LGBT Action Plan 2018: Improving the lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people under Theresa May’s government. Along with taking more action on hate crime and appointing a LGBT health adviser the promise was to ‘bring forward proposals to end the practice of conversion therapy in the UK’.

Fast forward to summer 2020 and Boris Johnson also promised to progress plans banning conversion therapy. Adamant the practice is “absolutely abhorrent and has no place in a civilised society, and has no place in this country”, he went on to say the government would conduct a study to find out how, where and how frequently it’s happening before implementing legislative change to outlaw it.

Skip forward again to the Queen’s speech in May this year and yet another public pledge to progress a ban… but the law still won’t be changed until a public consultation goes ahead first.

How long will the consultation take before real change is made?
Well, looking at the pattern of delay over the past few years, it might be easier to ask how long the proverbial piece of string is… On a more positive note though, the very fact that government has conversion therapy on their agenda and has pledged to eradicate it is progress and for now, gives the LGBTQ+ community a glimmer of hope.

What can you do?
There’s lot more information out there so take some time to read up – Stonewall and Gay Times always cover issues impacting the queer community. You can also add your voice to the calls for a complete ban by petitioning your local MP – head to the Ban Conversion Therapy website and use the search function to get started.

Why pride isn’t just for Pride month

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I remember camping with my family when I was about eleven or twelve, waking up one morning in our tent, and admitting to myself that I was gay. Blood rushed to my head, and in a mortified panic, I promised myself that I would never tell anyone this secret for the rest of my life.

At twenty-two, pride feels like a second birthday, and my queerness feels like a gift. I have nurtured, fought for and protected this gift more than anything else I have ever received in my life.

I’ve heard people say that you shouldn’t let one part of your identity consume your whole existence. However, it’s hard to ignore the one facet of your life that other people solely define you by, whether you like it or not.

I’ve been told I was too gay in school and that I talked too much about being gay at university. In embracing my queerness, I still find I’m having to justify, dilute or amplify this part of my identity to please others. It’s hard to digest that the same people telling you that you’re too gay or not gay enough are the ones at pride parades drinking Malibu and coke, taking pictures with their friends and having a good time.

The reality is, being queer has become my whole life – and not just for one month or one parade a year.

Queer people stand in the face of adversity daily. Being queer transcends clothing. It’s in the way we talk, hold ourselves and communicate. So let’s get one thing straight (excuse the pun) – regardless of our clothing, haircuts and outward expression, queer people are still being marginalised and discriminated against.

Many of the queer people I know, including myself, moved to London in hopes of finding themselves at the epicentre of creativity, acceptance and opportunity. Whilst London doesn’t fall short of its promises, homophobia, transphobia and racism run rampant in North, East, South and West.

Many turn a blind eye to day to day stories of hate crime, because we’ve fought for and been awarded our rights, right?

Time and time again this mentality is disrupted by major horror stories making the news, bringing back into sharp focus the reality that many queer folk face. In October, the BBC reported a 20% increase in homophobic hate crimes during the year and even more alarmingly that reports had tripled in five years. And, while it’s true homophobic attacks have been woefully underreported in the past, it doesn’t account for the magnitude in increases.

Tragically, it doesn’t always make the news either. We’re still marching for our BAME trans brothers and sisters in central London because they’re losing their lives and it remains unreported by any major news outlets.

On the surface, your queer/BAME friends may seem fine, but each has probably experienced some form of discrimination within the last month.

On the surface, your queer/BAME friends, the drag queens you see performing at Heaven and the trendy gay guy that made you your oat latte in Gail’s may seem fine, but each has probably experienced some form of discrimination, homophobia or racism within the last month.

When I got back to work after the world went into lockdown, I was called a faggot by four young teenagers at my part-time retail job. Not only is this personally humiliating, but it’s also worrying.

The boys were maybe sixteen or seventeen and I’m twenty-two. I naively hoped (and hope) the younger generations would be more socially aware than my own generation, and that their queer peers would be more comfortable than I was growing up. It goes to show that visibility and education are still essential for queer people to be accepted in society, not only in London but across the world.

But should we, the queer community, be the ones doing the educating?

No.

Why should it still be our responsibility in 2021?

That’s what we’d like to say of course, and that’s what we should encourage. The reality is, we’re still our biggest supporters and to see the change we must be the ones to actively make it. And to our allies, we can spot the Malibu and Coke drinking parade-goers from the genuine activists and change-makers. We see and appreciate you.

Pride is a great opportunity to be visible, online and in person. Although every day is an opportunity to be visible, we’re not always comfortable doing so and that’s fine. Everyone has their own individual way of contributing to the community, big or small, and each is valid. Ultimately, we all have a responsibility to make our voices louder and to defend EVERYONE in our community. Report instances of homophobia, share stories with your work colleagues and friends, let people know it’s not all rainbows and RuPaul’s drag race.

Pride isn’t just for pride month, pride is every day for us.

One step at a time…

/in , , /by

The wind in your hair, the sun on your face and fresh air in your lungs! Ok, so going out for a walk isn’t always like that, especially living in the UK with our temperamental weather. But getting out and about in the countryside, or even just for a walk around your local area can be brilliant.

Living in central Scotland I’m lucky enough to be reasonably close, well a couple of hours’ drive or so, to Loch Lomond and Cairngorms National Parks – home to some of the most amazing scenery in the country. And being a keen hillwalker, these areas really are a ramblers’ paradise.

I’m a big advocate of getting outdoors and into nature, and having not had the complete freedom to do that during lockdown, has only reinforced my appreciation of the great outdoors. Walking itself can have loads of health benefits and nature has been shown to have a positive effect on mental health. For me, getting out into the countryside and hillwalking really helps clear my head, and I do find myself feeling grateful as I walk amongst the stunning Scottish scenery – it really is a sight to behold. Although I usually go hillwalking with other people and we talk about anything and everything, it’s often those fleeting moments of silence that I find I really enjoy too. Being able to appreciate the moment and take in the beautiful surroundings. Until writing this I never thought of it as practising gratitude, and it’s only now that I’ve reflected on it properly that I’ve realised that’s exactly what I’m doing – and I feel better for it.

Planning a big day of hillwalking can be great, and it’s brilliant to have something to look forward to. But even just getting out of the house for a trek round the block can help boost your mood and improve your mental health. We’ve all been limited in what we can do recently, but even a short walk can work wonders. And if, like me, you’re still working from home, it gets you away from your desk for a wee while if nothing else.

So with May being National Walking Month why not try to get out and about. You could get your friends and family involved and take part in a walking challenge, or just set yourself a goal to get out for a walk once a day. You don’t have to be venturing into the Scottish mountains to take part and you might just find you feel better, physically and mentally, thanks to a bit of regular walking. Let us know if you’re doing anything for National Walking Month and we’ll share your stories, hints, tips and fundraising pages on our social channels.