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You take my breath away

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I’m no quitter!

Normally I’d see quitting as a personal failure but when it comes to smoking, I can stand tall and proclaim I am indeed a quitter. Everyone has their reason to quit – whether that’s financial, health related or something else – and reminding yourself of that reason is the main driver to helping you succeed.

The parting of, quite frankly, extortionate amounts of money was a factor for me, but it wasn’t my main reason for wanting to kick the habit. It was more the lack of control I felt. I’d naively convinced myself I wasn’t actually addicted and was only smoking out of choice. But as I realised I didn’t really have the control I thought I did, my enjoyment of smoking started to seriously deteriorate.

Having tried to quit on numerous occasions, the journey to being smoke free is probably one of the most difficult I’ve been on. While equally being one of the most rewarding.

Pack it in!

I put out my cigarette on a crisp new year’s morning and decided it would be my last. It was time. As I said goodbye to my trusted Marlboro lights, I gained a new companion – an electronic vape, complete with tobacco flavoured liquid. While it wasn’t quite the same as my long-term friend, it did help keep the cravings at bay.

Unbeknown to me though, a nationwide lockdown was on the horizon and I was very soon stuck inside and furloughed. If there was ever a time to give in to my cravings, here it was. My wife was still smoking, and I knew there was a pack somewhere in one of the draws. Fortunately, but rather frustratingly for me on the day my craving for a cigarette hit hardest, she’d taken them to work. Had she not, my journey would’ve come to an abrupt end and I’d likely be outside puffing away instead of writing this.

Today is the day

I slowly transitioned to nicotine free liquid and was vaping progressively less, until one day I just didn’t feel the need to pick it up. I was there. I’d reached the light at the end of a tunnel I never thought I’d get out of.

I’m now no longer at the mercy of nicotine cravings and I don’t (to my knowledge anyway) walk around with a distinct aroma attached to me.

So, whether you’re embarking on a solo journey or need some support, there’s never been a better time to start than now.

January 1 2020, around 9am was my last cigarette. And I very much intend to keep it that way!

Three books to read this spring

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Despite book shops being closed in the UK, Publishers Association recorded a 16% rise in the sale of fiction books during the pandemic. While we were locked inside, seemingly more and more of us were turning to our trusty hardbacks as a form of escapism.

On the back of World Book Day on Thursday 2 March 2023, I wanted to share three fiction novels I read during the pandemic which left a lasting impression on me. All are from my Reader’s Digest collection and available to purchase online. I inherited my collection from my Great Uncle Sydney, who happened to be a poet – maybe this explains my love for each novel.

  1. Voices of Summer by Diane Pearson

Set in Vienna, this brilliantly written story follows a former theatre star who retakes the stage (after many years away from the limelight) alongside a merciless tenor. The author draws on her musical background to create real stage presence and constructs a world full of charming characters, including the enchanting Willi Zimmerman. You don’t have to be a theatre lover to enjoy this book and, if you’re anything like me, you’ll likely be wanting to book a trip to Austria by the time you reach its final pages!

  1. The Old House at Railes by Mary E. Pearce

A story set in Gloucestershire where the son of a stonemason receives a first-class education from a wealthy local family. The reader goes on a real journey with the lead character Martin as, despite the novel’s twists and turns, he remains remarkably resilient and manages to build a compelling reputation for himself in the local community. Without revealing the plot, this book taught me about the fragility of life and the importance of doing the right thing. I particularly enjoyed reading the letters Martin writes so eloquently (and I’ve since turned to these as a source of inspiration!).

  1. To Fly a Kite by Elizabeth Webster

This one is a little trickier to get hold of online but is up there with my all-time favourites. A wonderful tale about a young woman’s plight to rescue a former concert pianist from despair back to good health. A book about the power of healing that moved me to tears (in a good way), taught me what true love is and made me appreciate the small things in life. I loved the vivid imagery scattered throughout this novel, including the poignant kite scene at the end. I also appreciated how the author drew on her personal experience of teaching special needs children to depict such a beautiful story.

Woman packing up boxes with tape

Feeling boxed in?

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Have you noticed that having clutter around your house or even in your car can make you feel edgy, overwhelmed and burdened? That it can also make your mind feel busy and confused? that decluttering your space can reduce stress and anxiety and in turn declutter your mind to make room for clarity and calm.

Less stress

When you remove items or put them away, your body produces less cortisol (the stress hormone), which in turn helps you feel more like yourself – stable, clearheaded and relaxed.

Less anxiety

Creating order helps to relieve anxiety. When things are a mess it can make you feel scattered and hassled, but a clean, tidy environment can make you feel calmer.

More confidence

Another added benefit of decluttering is the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it. It can help you feel more in control because organising and cleaning up requires problem solving and decision-making skills on your part. It also forces you to address unresolved decisions so you’re no longer dragging them around in the back of your mind.

But I’m a hoarder…what can I do?

Try the box technique

(This exercise does require some space for storage).

First you need four boxes (or several sets of four if you have lots of stuff), sticky labels and a pen. Write out four labels for the boxes; storage, donate, bin and keep. Make sure the boxes are clearly labelled so you don’t accidentally mix them up.

The storage box

Items you can’t part with but don’t need on a regular basis – like seasonal clothing or a sentimental keep sake, for example.

The donate/sell box

Items you no longer use and you’re happy to give up. These should be in good condition for others to use. If they’re not, bin them.

The bin box

This one’s pretty obvious. If the item can’t be donated, it’s broken or in poor condition, it goes in here.

The keep box

Items you want to keep and need close to hand because you use them regularly – stuff that just needs to be put away in a proper spot. Or if you have space, find a dedicated draw or cupboard space for them.

Decisions, decisions

The hard part is in the decision making. Below are some questions to consider as you sort your items:

  1. How often do I use it?
  2. Does it have a space in my home?
  3. Do I have sentimental attachment to it?
  4. If I didn’t own this item or the house burned down tomorrow, would I miss it/buy a new one to replace it?
  5. I can’t part with this item now, but am I willing to consider it again in six months’ time? If yes, create a separate ‘keep for six months’ box.

Once the boxes are full, take action immediately! Donate the donate items, bin the bin box, store the storage box and put the keep box somewhere handy. Then start again with the next set of boxes. If you have a lot of boxes to fill, it can be helpful to number your storage boxes and keep a central list of what’s in each so you can easily find things when you need them.

But shouldn’t I keep the things I love?

This is tough, but not if you’re left with a crowded house that’s having a negative impact on you. It’s a good idea to try and identify your motivation behind keeping the item. Ask yourself – Why do I feel the need to keep it? Is it because I love it? Does it have good memories attached to it? If I let it go, am I worried the person who gave it to me would think badly of me? Do I just want it just so no one else can have it? Food for thought…

Have fun with this. You really will feel better once you start filling those boxes!

 

Today I get to workout

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Today I have to get to workout

There’s no better time than New Year when it comes to making changes and self-improvement, right?

After the excesses of Christmas, many of us look to exercise to kick start a new health-conscious regime. And while the gym can be a great form of self-care, for some the idea of actually going can be quite daunting.

I see a lot of negativity on social media when it comes to the gym – people being made to feel unwelcome or concerned they’ll go viral if they do an exercise wrong. As someone who regularly goes to the gym (dare I say even enjoys it!) I understand the worry, but it’s worth bearing in mind this in no way reflects the gym community as a whole. Most of us are really supportive and encouraging!

So, if you’re about to embark on a ‘New Year, New Me’ resolution over the next few months, here are a few of my personal tips to help you navigate the gym.

Find your feet

Whether it’s day one or day 100, take a few minutes to familiarise yourself with your surroundings. Think of it like your first day in a new office, but instead of finding the coffee machine you’ll want to know where the water fountain or kettlebells are. By scoping it out, you’ll know exactly where to go for your next exercise.

Work out a plan 

Whatever your goals, a plan is vital. It’s why you’re going to the gym today. Some plans might be simple, but others (a Push, Pull, Legs split for example), need a bit more research and you might not know where to start. If you’re looking for something free, why not try an app like MyFitnessPal. It won’t create your workout but does give you a range of exercises to choose from so you can build your own and you can even save it in the app. For something more bespoke a personal trainer can create a plan for you, but this likely comes at a cost.

So whether you‘ve written it in your notepad, saved it on your phone, have it memorised or your trainer does, what’s the plan?

 

If you don’t know, ask 

Now you’ve got a plan, you’re ready to go. But just as you’re about to start your next exercise, you can’t remember the difference between Romanian and sumo deadlifts. No problem, just ask for help. If you don’t fancy asking someone or there’s no one around, just ask your phone. YouTube can be your best friend when it comes to exercise and is a useful tool for improving your technique. Remember, asking for help in any form isn’t a weakness.

 

Don’t sweat it

While we’re on the subject of phones, you can’t go far without seeing someone recording on theirs and the gym is no exception. But remember, most people are in the gym for the same reason you are – to workout. While there’s no guarantee you won’t end up in the background of someone’s video, my best advice is don’t sweat it and keep doing you!

 

Pump up the jam

Pump it up, while your feet are stompin’… Okay, that’s quite enough of that, but the point stands. Having a great playlist can motivate you to get your workout started, make it more enjoyable and might even be the difference between achieving a new personal best or falling just short. My playlist is a combination of heavy rock, dance, hip-hop and even some Greatest Showman for when the moment’s right (the moment is always right!).

Music not your thing? Why not try a podcast or audio book instead? Anything which gets you in the zone to help reach your goals.

 

The gym is a great place for you mind and body, it’s a place to focus on you. So next time you’re struggling for motivation remember, a workout isn’t always about building muscle or health, it’s also therapy. Go get yours.

 

How walking 1,000 miles can change your life

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As I sat on top of Pen Y Fan and poured myself a tea from my flask, I took in the Welsh countryside spread out around me and thought to myself ‘I can’t remember a time when I felt so free.’

This feeling of freedom isn’t something that comes easily to me. Having lived with OCD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder the whole of my adult life, my brain and body are used to living in a tightly controlled state of being. My anxiety was made even worse during the Covid-19 pandemic and I’m not surprised to find that according to Mind, 65% of adults with mental health problems have said it’s got worse since the first national lockdown.

Before the pandemic, I’d learned to live with my mental health condition fairly well and although it still affected me, it didn’t stop me living my life. But once the first lockdown hit and we were being told we had to stay inside, things started to go downhill. OCD makes me feel incredibly out of control and living through an unprecedented situation where no one had any form of control was terrifying. I tried desperately to keep control of as many things as I could and saw it as my ‘duty’ to keep me and my husband safe from the germs and contamination all around us.

I washed and sanitised my hands constantly, scrubbed every surface with bleach and washed and Dettol-wiped everything that came into the house. I couldn’t hug or be near anyone which meant even going for a walk became impossible as I struggled to find routes where I could guarantee I wouldn’t see people. Life became closed in and I became increasingly more anxious and withdrawn.

Fast forward to the end of 2021 and a world ever so slowly returning to some form of normality. Throughout 2020 and 2021 I’d started taking medication and gone to therapy sessions to help me cope with the way I was feeling and as a result, I’d started to take my first tentative steps back into ‘normal life’. It was at this time I came across Country Walking Magazine’s walk 1,000 miles challenge and decided 2022 was the year I’d walk 1,000 miles.

Walking those 1,000 miles has been emotional, exhilarating and life changing. It’s taught me a few things along the way too:

  • Blisters are my new best friend (well they’re not but I’ve had to learn to live with them!).
  • Walking 36 miles in a day will break you. Back in May I walked from Corfe Castle to Weymouth along the Jurassic coast and whilst it was incredibly rewarding, it took me 15 hours and afterwards I couldn’t move for the next 2 days!
  • Rest days are just as important as walking days.
  • The UK is stunningly beautiful and there are so many amazing places to discover.
  • Getting lost is ridiculously easy but it does add on a few extra miles.
  • Life is for living.
  • OCD and anxiety no longer rule my life.

I have a new joy for life I never thought possible – I look forward to getting outside and feel like I’ve got my independence and my life back. While I might not walk 1,000 miles in 2023, walking has become a key part of my daily routine and is something I’ll always prioritise for my mental health.

‘Walking: the most ancient exercise and still the best modern exercise.’ – Carrie Latet

Hot letters – mastering your emotions…

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The internet is flooded with posts talking about the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction – who hasn’t been bombarded with ‘positive vibes only’ posts? But it’s not a new thing – even going back to the year 300 BC the Stoics touted the benefits of managing your emotions and the discipline of perception. And there’s nothing wrong with this, unless like me, you unwittingly supress your emotions.

And we often don’t realise we’re doing it. For example, I have a disagreement with someone, and in the moment I feel a flood of anger, but also know the futility of arguing, so I look for a different solution, a compromise or perhaps I just walk away from it. In my rational mind I know this is a more enlightened way to behave, arguing solves nothing, and besides we’re probably both right to some degree…

Putting your emotions in a box won’t solve anything
That’s where some people leave it, they move on and think about something else. But this can come back to bite you…it can leave you in a rather uncomfortable place days or sometimes months later when you notice you’re a bit down, feel like crying or you absolutely lose it with someone over something relatively minor and have no idea why.

Well, it turns out that’s a build-up of suppressed emotions. Suppressing your emotions means you’re literally putting them in a box over there and importantly, not acknowledging how you feel – that uncomfortable sensation of anger, annoyance, or injustice, for example. After a while of doing this, you eventually run out of room to push any more emotions down and finally they erupt to the surface. Most people also fail to connect this eruption to the earlier, incremental incidents of emotional stockpiling.

The true meaning of stoicisim
The Stoics understood the power of not reacting to knee-jerk emotions (usually the first angry or negative emotions evoked by a situation) but focused on building the fortitude to wade through an unpleasant emotion instead. This included reframing or telling a different story about incidents to lessen their emotional impact. But to truly achieve letting go of a knee-jerk emotion you have to feel it first then, and only then, can you let it go. Miss out this important step and you’ve put an emotion in a box.

No need to send the ‘hot letter’
It’s well known that whenever Abraham Lincoln was angry with someone, he’d write a ‘hot letter’ telling them exactly what he thought of them…which he would then never send. He’d put it to one side and let his emotions cool. Writing the letter allowed him to vent his knee-jerk emotions in the moment and he was then able to consider the situation from a more balanced standpoint later on.

If you want to give writing an ‘hot letter’ a go, here are some emotive statements to help get you started:

  • I feel furious when/about…
  • I hate it when…
  • You are a complete and utter…
  • I feel sad when…

Time alone doesn’t have to be lonely

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If there are any positives we can take from the pandemic and subsequent lockdowns, I feel our renewed focus on mental health is one.

During the pandemic we were faced with many and varied mental health challenges. As we all tried to adapt and get through it in our own ways, one issue cropped up for many of us, particularly those living alone – loneliness.

A waste of time?
Spending time on your own might not sound like any kind of hardship, and given the other challenges people were facing, it probably wasn’t. But in a world where we can seem to place such value on #squadgoals and photos with friends on Instagram, how can we reframe time spent on our own as time well spent, rather than time wasted?

I’ve always been quite sociable and enjoy spending time with people, which is probably why I associated time on my own as time wasted. So when the pandemic hit I was worried how I’d cope. Spending a lot of time on my own was now a reality I couldn’t avoid.

Some of the difficulties others faced during the pandemic really put my worries into perspective. Although I struggled with loneliness, I knew I was still in a very fortunate position as I didn’t have to juggle home schooling or caring responsibilities on top of a full time job. In her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, author and psychotherapist Amy Morin explains how time alone can actually help you build empathy and spark creativity. Reframing time on your own and thinking of it as a gift really helped me shift my mindset to embrace the privilege of alone time.

What can we do?
We all need social contact, but time alone doesn’t have to be lonely. I mean, even Bill Gates takes a couple of weeks each year to be on his own, switch off from technology, and refocus. Thinking of alone time differently and embracing it to do things just for you can be a game changer! Whether it’s doing something as simple as having a nice bath, making some good food, or something bigger like going to see a show or a film you fancy, take some proper time just for you. There are loads of things we can do to enjoy these times and invest in ourselves.

I found making a list of priorities and what I’d do if I could do anything really helped me. Thinking about how you can achieve those things and doing something about it can be a really productive use of time too. I’m not going to pretend I did this all the time… I spent plenty of time listening to tunes and watching football, but I don’t dread not having plans with other people now.

Time alone won’t, and shouldn’t, replace time with family and friends, but I’ve found trying to shift my mindset to see time on my own as a luxury has really helped me make the most of those moments. Let us know what you do to make the most of your time on your own.

Everyone’s welcome – celebrating LGBT+ History month

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It’s February and we’re celebrating and supporting LGBT+ History month.

Every year the theme changes (for 2022, it’s Politics in Art – ‘The arc is long’) but the aim is the same – recognising milestones in the fight for LGBT+ equality and promoting visibility and acceptance of the queer community, now and in the future.

There are plenty of ways to get involved throughout the month – from British Museum and Tate tours focusing on queer art through the ages, to poetry, cabaret, open mics and film nights. It’s a great opportunity to brush up on your LGBT+ history and culture too and we’ve got some top book recommendations to get you started.

Pride: The story of the LGBTQ equality movement by Matthew Todd – documents the events in the fight for equal rights for the LGBTQ community.

From the Stonewall rights in 1960s New York, through 50 years of activism to ban discrimination and seek acceptance, right up to the challenges that still face queer people today, this book celebrates the activists and movement who have fought for change.

Good as you: From Prejudice to Pride – 30 years of Gay Britain by Paul Flynn – takes the reader on a journey through 30 years of societal and cultural change.

This book includes interviews with key people from the community including Will Young, Russell T Davies and Holly Johnson and shares the unbridled panic and discrimination caused by the AIDS crisis in the eighties, through to the legalisation of gay marriage in 2014.

We can do better than this: 35 Voices on the Future of LGBTQ+ Rights edited by Amelia Abraham – a collection of personal stories from key people in the queer community addressing present day phobias, inequality and violence.

Olly Alexander, Lady Phyll, Beth Ditto and others talk candidly about topics close to their own hearts such as safety, healthcare, gender and education and what we all need to do to move to a more inclusive, safer future.

We’ve included links for these great reads to the UKs oldest LGBT bookshop – Gay’s the Word and you can also find them in all good online and actual bookshops.

If you go down to the (Hundred Acre) woods today

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National Winnie the Pooh day, a day to celebrate A.A Milne’s famous literary creation Winnie the Pooh – not forgetting Christopher Robin and his other friends of course.

“Silly old bear”
I grew up with Winnie the Pooh. From reading the books to watching the films and playing Poohsticks, I still hold a soft spot for him and his pals. I’ve even had the pleasure of meeting him a couple of times. Despite this ongoing endearment for the silly old bear, I confess to not knowing there was a day dedicated to my favourite bear until recently.

While I’ll still celebrate his legacy, I’ve long wondered if there’s actually a deeper meaning to these seemingly innocent characters.

“Oh, bother”
Pathology in the hundred acre wood: a neurodevelopmental perspective on A.A. Milne is a study carried out by Dr. Sarah E. Shea, where she looks further into this theory. Although tongue in cheek, the report highlights some interesting points about each character which many would find relatable today.

“Somewhere at the top of the Hundred Acre Wood a little boy and his bear play. On the surface it is an innocent world, but on closer examination by our group of experts we find a forest where neurodevelopmental and psychosocial problems go unrecognized and untreated” – the study rather darkly reports. Is it troubling to think these characters are (predominantly) aimed at children, or enlightening these issues were highlighted so openly in 1926?

Do these characters in fact help raise the very real need for support and awareness of our own mental wellbeing, as well as those around us? Given they’re so deeply embedded in our culture in a positive way, perhaps they could they help end the stigma of mental health.

“Oh, d-d-dear”
What I feel is made apparent by Pooh and pals is that mental health issues are not obvious and even those you feel are least likely to be affected can be struggling.

According to the study, our main protagonist, Winnie, could easily be diagnosed with ADHD, OCD or binge eating. His sidekick, Piglet, severe anxiety, Eeyore, chronic depression and Tigger, ADHD.

“Thanks for noticin’ me”
With an ongoing pandemic, mental health issues have been on the rise and it’s great to escape to somewhere like the Hundred Acre wood every now and again. What we need to be wary of is whether someone is getting a bit lost while they’re there.

We can learn many lessons from Winnie and the gang, but I feel one of the most important is that sometimes just being there is enough.

So next time you’re celebrating the legacy of Winnie the Pooh, take some time to check in with yourself, a friend or a family member. Although everything might appear sunny in the Hundred Acre Wood, we all have dark days and mental health issues can easily be missed if we don’t pay close enough attention.

“TTFN! Ta-ta for now!”
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

Proud to be…

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The theme for Black History Month (BHM) this year is “Proud to be…”. This year, black and brown people across the UK are being encouraged to share different traits about themselves that they’re proud of in an effort to add a bit of a personal touch to BHM whilst also celebrating the diverse heritage and culture of black and brown people in the UK.

In line with this year’s theme, I thought it would be fitting to share a few things about myself that I am proud of/proud to be. In doing so, I hope to inspire other black and brown people to do the same (either publicly or privately, whichever’s easier for you :))

I am…

  • Proud to be black
  • Proud to be Zimbabwean
  • Proud to be a part of the conversation
  • Proud to be me

It feels weird to publicly express that I’m proud to be black. A lot of people are probably thinking “Well Panashe, we’d assume that goes without saying”, but honestly, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Growing up black is quite complex – there have been numerous points in my life where I’ve questioned my “blackness”. And many-a-time where I’ve been made to feel as though being black makes me a lesser person.

“Don’t get emotional, you’ll just be labelled that angry black man.” “Hmmm, maybe don’t do that/say that, you’ll be looked at weirdly.” These are just a couple of thoughts that regularly pop into my head during interactions with people. “Conformity is key, and any step away from the status quo is a step towards ostracisation.” I read this in a blog post by Kendra Summers and it really resonated with me.

Being Zimbabwean adds yet another layer of complexity to being black and this really only became apparent to me when I moved to the UK. Now, even among other black people (mainly Black British people), I occasionally feel a little out of place. I love being Zimbabwean – I love our food, I love our languages, I love our traditions. But there have been moments where I’ve been made to feel ashamed of being Zimbabwean, moments I would rather not bring up for fear of getting into conversations marred by prejudice and based on absurd stereotypes.

Zimbabwe is the place I call home – growing up there played a big role in moulding me into the person I am today and I’m proud to say that! That sense of pride and willingness to share where I’m from has mainly come as a result of having conversations with people who have had similar experiences. Although the cause of discrimination may be different and everyone’s experiences are unique, often I can empathise with that feeling of self-doubt/anger/confusion/sadness that comes through during conversations with other people. Hearing about and trying to understand other peoples’ experiences has had a profound effect on me – not only has it allowed me to view life from a different perspective, but it’s also made it easier to embrace who I am.

All of the things above are a big part of who I am and I am proud to say that out loud – I am a black man, proud of where I’m from, proud of the way I speak, proud to be me!

My Menopause Story

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  • Menopause symptoms

    Hot sweats

    Vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex

    Difficulty sleeping

    Fatigue

    Low mood or anxiety

    Depression

    Lack of focus

    Headaches

    Problems with memory or concentration

    Water retention, flatulence, bloating

  • Menopause symptoms

    Stomach pain

    Irregular periods

    Weight gain / slower metabolism

    Breast soreness

    Burning mouth syndrome

    Painful joints  / muscle tension

    Dizzy spells / pins & needles

    Thinning hair

    Increased facial hair

  • Menopause symptoms

    Gum recession

    Itchy skin

    Brittle nails

    Urinary incontinence

    Body odour

    Hay fever and allergies

    Heart palpitations

    Panic attacks

    Osteoporosis

    Irritability

    Loss of libido

The menopause pretty much affects all aspects of your life – like a total system meltdown. So it’s not surprising irritability and loss of libido feature on the list of symptoms, given all the rest . . .

The lists above include known symptoms women across the globe suffer during the peri-menopause and menopause journey. While I don’t claim to have experienced all of them, a lot of them are very familiar to me. Some I was aware of and was expecting – hot flashes, weight gain, irregular periods, loss of libido. Some, were frankly a nasty surprise (the flatulence, urinary incontinence, the emergence of a hairy jawline, the depression). The hot flashes, by the way, are like a gas water heater flaring violently into action.

Of course, the knock on effect has been a loss of self-esteem and my sense of self, who I am, all I have achieved. For me, it also coincided with a crisis of confidence in my career and my ability to hold down a senior role.

Cultural expectations

The real kick is, as you are struggling to cope with crippling hormonal headaches, sleep loss, hot flashes and the like there’s an expectation to maintain a youthful appearance and a slim figure: eat less, much less! Exercise more, much more! Just as the menopause has robbed you of energy and willpower you’re encouraged not to ‘let yourself go’.

The media bombards us with images of the perfect older women who have held it together and still look amazing for their age. Good for them, but it isn’t truly representative of the majority of menopausal women. And because the menopause is a women’s issue, it is by default a minority issue – even though women represent 50% of people on the planet.

When will women’s health be prioritised?

So beyond Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), there is nothing available to alleviate symptoms and very little research into other methods. It is simply not a priority. HRT is not an option for me and my sister due to a history of breast cancer in my immediate family.

Juggling health, family and work

The menopause hit me like a steam train as my parents started to need additional support, and in my mother’s case, there was the increasing dementia as well as physical deterioration. Years of (sometimes) painful periods, the dangers and pain of childbirth are just the start of women’s health issues we all have to learn to cope with. The onslaught gathers pace during the menopause with juggling work, teenagers, ageing parents and a whole host of nasty symptoms.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

I can’t say I am through the other side of my menopausal journey even now – the whole process can take around 10 years – 10 years! But fingers crossed, I might be close. I haven’t had a period for more than 20 months. The hot flashes that come and go for months at a time have stopped again over the last few weeks and I am sleeping a little better. I haven’t had to change my sweat-soaked pyjamas or the sheets in the middle of the night for a while now. Oh, and the frequently recurring breast cysts I used to get have stopped.

But the menopause is wholly unpredictable and you never know, some of this might come back again at any time.

For information about menopause and other aspects of aging women’s health, visit https://www.imsociety.org/

 

How not to panic through a pandemic and other things my mental health has taught me…

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When was the last time you had an anxious thought, a squirmy feeling in your tummy, or a complete lack of interest in doing things? Yesterday? Maybe last week? For most of us we experience these common, uncomfortable feelings regularly, but they usually pass pretty quickly.

 

However, if you’re one of the 1 in 4 people in England who experience or live with a mental health problem, you’re probably only too familiar with these feelings and understand the toll mental health problems can have on your wellbeing. It’s not just anxiety; mental health issues can take many forms, from depression to psychotic disorders. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and World Mental Health day is a great opportunity for us all to start talking openly about our own mental health.

 

My name is Rachel and I’m one of the 1 in 100 people living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). For years I hid my disorder because I was ashamed and afraid of being judged. OCD is a mental health condition often misunderstood as a love of organisation, when in reality sufferers experience frequent intrusive and unwelcome obsessional thoughts (OCDUK).

 

The Coronavirus pandemic has been challenging for us all, but throw in OCD and it’s added a whole extra set of complications for me. While many of us feel like we’re coming back to life after many months of lockdowns, I’m struggling (like so many others) with the idea of ‘the new normal’ and going back to the life I lead before.

 

It’s taken me a long time, but I’m slowly getting back to my ‘normal’ with the help of medication and a therapist. While this journey I’m on has been tough, I’ve learnt a lot of things along the way:

 

  • It’s ok not to be ok: If you’re struggling, reaching out to your friends and family can help take some of the burden away. Sometimes it’s easier to talk things through with someone you don’t know – organisations such as Mind, OCD UK and Samaritans gave me some practical ways to look after my mental health.
  • If it feels scary, it’s probably good for you: Having OCD means I overestimate threat, often catastrophizing to the worst possible scenario. In the past it’s been all too easy to stay in my house where I feel safe, but by pushing myself to do the scary things (going for a walk, to the shops or to visit a friend) it makes each experience easier and quietens the fear monster in my brain.
  • Slow and steady wins the race: Sometimes when you’re on the recovery journey you can fall into the trap of either not doing anything, or doing too much! I’ve found tackling one scary thing at a time gives me the best rates of success but I’m also mindful that sometimes a quiet day on the sofa is exactly what my mental health needs.
  • Speak up: In the past, I haven’t told people when I’m uncomfortable or struggling with a situation. The pandemic has forced me to be honest when I’m having a hard time – with myself and with others. Being open about my struggles has helped my family, friends and colleagues understand why I might be acting ‘strangely’ so they can help me through those tough situations. It also takes away the stigma and makes conversations about mental health easier.
  • Be kind to yourself: Probably the most important thing I’ve learnt is to be kind to myself. We’re living in unprecedented times and it’s ok to find things hard sometimes.

 

Focusing on the people and things that bring me joy and comfort has allowed me to push forward with my life, one small step at a time. The pandemic might not be over yet, but for me, life is starting to feel sunny again.

 

If you’re struggling with your mental health or you’re affected by any of the issues I’ve talked about in this blog, you can call Samaritans on: 116 123 or visit their website: www.samaritans.org/